An Attitude of Gratitude

Is your glass half empty or half full?

That’s the quintessential “Are you an optimist or a pessimist?” test.  And it’s true, of course, because the contents of the glass are the same either way. It’s our own perceptions that determine our conclusion. With apologies to Vince Lombardi, in this case it’s “attitude isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”

We’d all like to see the glass as half full. Our lives would be more pleasant if we did. So what makes it so difficult? Why is it sometimes easier to see what isn’t there than what is? I given a lot of thought to this question this week—put in lots of miles on the trail. And I’ve come up with what I think are the three biggest challenges we face in this regard. I’m going to call them the “3 Cs,” because—very conveniently—they all start with the letter “C.”  (And I promise I’m going to keep this—relatively—short. I know we’re all busy this week):

The 3 Cs—Or Why We Don’t Always “C” Our Glass as Half Full

1. Chronology

This one’s common enough, especially these days when many of us have had to scale back. The scenario is this: your glass is half full, but yesterday (or last week or last year) it had a lot more. Therefore, since there isn’t as much as there used to be, you focus on the space between “what was” and “what is,” and fail to fully appreciate what you have right now.

What to do about it:

Remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that’s why we call it the present.” Or, if you prefer, as Johnny Depp’s Donnie Brasco character so eloquently explained, “fuggedaboutit.” Enjoy your memories, but the past is over…gone…done. Move on. Consider the case of the Nepalese busboy at a restaurant here in Tucson. A member of the Nepalese royal family, he came to the United States when the monarchy was ousted in 2008. He is thrilled to be in this country and especially excited right now because he got a promotion at work—he’s going to start training as a cook. The kid has such a great attitude that people are falling all over themselves to help him.

And tell yourself this:

My glass is the one sitting in front of me right now, today. I will savor and appreciate it.

2. Comparison

It’s difficult to avoid making comparisons. Often, it seems our sister, neighbor, or friend’s glass has more in it than ours. Or maybe even (say it ain’t so!) their glass is bigger than our own. (In professional terminology, I believe this is known as “cup-envy”).  In this case, we’re so busy wishing we had their glass, we fail to appreciate the one we have in front of us.

What to do about it:

Give yourself a swift kick in the butt! (Uh-oh. Unless you’re a lot more flexible than I am, looks like this one is a physical impossibility.) All right then, let’s take a quick remedial visit back to pre-school. “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” Remember that? Besides, you don’t know what’s in your neighbor’s cup—it could be something you really hate, like prune juice (yeck!). Most of us probably know at least one instance of a woman who seemed to have it all—a real Cinderella story—only to learn later (sometimes too late) that she was desperately trying to escape an abusive relationship. As classic Native American wisdom tells us, we can never really know another person until we have walked a mile in his (or her) moccasins. So, to borrow another lesson from our school days, keep your eyes on your own paper (and your own glass).

And tell yourself this:

My glass is the one sitting in front of me right now, today. I will savor and appreciate it.

3. Conditioning

This one’s really tough—probably the toughest. We all have deeply ingrained messages from our childhoods, particularly about what we do—or don’t—deserve.

Stevie tells a story about a time when, as a child, she asked for a new pair of shoes. Her father refused. “What do you mean you want a new pair of shoes?” he asked. “You already have a pair. You can’t wear more than one at a time!”  On some level, we all know it isn’t always about need. Or, at any rate, there are different kinds of need… But if we grew up in these environments, we may feel guilty about what we have—or unworthy of all that life has to offer.

Because of the difficulties they endured, people who lived through Great Depression, often unwittingly passed along an expectation of scarcity to their children and grandchildren. In this case, maybe the message isn’t so much that the glass is half empty, but that there might not be any more out there, so you’d better protect, rather than enjoy, what you’ve got. (Something to think about as we raise kids in today’s economy…)

What to do about it:

It isn’t easy to re-wire our psyches to bypass those childhood messages, but there are things we can do. For instance, when we make a concerted effort to be more “grate-full” and “thank-full,” we naturally begin seeing our  glasses as more “full” as well. We’ve already posted some ideas that can help you to do this (the Gratitude Journal and “My Plate Is Full” activity) and will be posting a couple more later this week.

And tell yourself this:

My glass is the one sitting in front of me right now, today. I will savor and appreciate it.

Along about now, I suspect some of you are starting to get suspicious. “Just who is she trying to convince here?” you’re wondering, “Me or herself?” And, as usual, the answer is…both! Believe me, I can relate to each and every one of these challenges (no doubt that’s how I came up with them in the first place!) But I promised to keep this short, so I’ll close with one final thought:

Let’s imagine we’ve succeeded. We now consistently (hey, we all have our moments!) see our glasses as half full. But still, maybe a teeny bit more would be nice…

Fine—but we can’t just sit around waiting for someone to bring us a refill. (Have you noticed the service is notoriously slow in these sorts of establishments?) No, now we’ve got to get up out of our comfy chairs and go pour it for ourselves. It’ll be good exercise. Besides, if we do it often enough, we just might find that our cups runneth over…

Related Posts:

On Gratitude (Quotations)

A Sense of Gratitude

Theresa’s Fabulous Day-after-Thanksgiving Turkey Soup

Make a Gratitude Shrine

Tired but Happy

To display all related posts, enter “gratitude” in the Search Box